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Home > Need to vent - DH not cooperating

Need to vent - DH not cooperating

March 19th, 2015 at 06:05 am

So we embarked on this debt payoff journey just over a year ago and have paid of $16K in credit card debt since (Still have $74K to go). I have 5 credit cards in my name and DH has 3. The vast majority of our balances are on my cards and he now has about $13K on his. So when I was setting up our debt avalanche, I asked him what his interest rates and balances were, and he was very wishy washy about it. Most of his balances are currently under various promo rates from doing balance transfers, and he assured me that they were all less than what my highest interest card was, so he has just kept paying the minimums on his cards while I throw all of our extra at my highest interest credit card.

Several times over the past 15 months, I have suggested to him that he let me take care of all of the credit card payments and he take over all of the monthly bills. See, we still have separate checking accounts and we each just have certain bills we're responsible for. We lived together before we were married and did it this way then, and have just always kept it that way because we were comfortable with it. We are both very responsible in terms of paying the bills, so neither of us ever worried that something wasn't getting paid or anything like that.

So anyway, we sold our kayaks yesterday and made $800. I took this opportunity to ask him AGAIN to please look up his balances and interest rates and let me make note of them so I can make sure we're attacking our cards in the proper order. I'm a bit type A (okay, more than a bit) and it has been driving me crazy that I don't have complete control over how much we're paying on what. He has been paying more than the minimums on cards with 3.99% interest rates when I would rather put that extra towards my 12.74% card. So anyway, he did check them, and it turns out that he has a $1200 balance on a card with a 15.49% interest rate!! I imeediately told him to take that $800 and pay that card, and on my next paycheck I would give him the balance to pay it off.

SEE!! This is why I want control over it! I am shocked that he didn't even realize what his interest rate was. Of course my obvious irritation with him turned into an argument, and now it's practically giving me heart palpitations to not be in charge of all the credit cards. I am hoping he'll give it some more thought today and realize that I am right and we should adjust the way we've done things for the last 13 years.

I'm so frustrated Frown

6 Responses to “Need to vent - DH not cooperating”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs)) At least you are both aware...you on the interest rates and him on your feelings. I would keep talking about it even if he doesn't immediately come around. And try to keep those conversations about how you feel, what you want to accomplish, and how he can help. Even if he doesn't give full control, you could at least sit at the same table while you make debt payments each time you both get paid. He logs on to his accounts, you log on to yours and you make a plan together.

  2. JulieAlbright Says:

    Well, if you're type A then I think I must be type AAA because I don't think I could handle not being able to see for myself a spouse's financial records. Or having to ask him numerous times the status.

    I have no interest in monitoring every single purchase my husband makes but if he's carrying credit card balances I think I have a right to know the balance and the interest rate without a bunch of words and negotiation between us. And vice-versa of course.

    Separate accounts are one thing, but I really couldn't live with non-disclosure. If I could gently make a suggestion here, but when is the last time you two sat down together and viewed your complete financial package items such as credit reports, accounts, retirement savings etc?

    I think I have it fairly easy in terms of marital finances though because my husband just happily leaves most of it in my hands. Every once in awhile he'll ask to see the account balances of our investment accounts, but that's about all.

  3. frugalredhead Says:

    We haven't had an "official" sit down, so to speak, but we discuss our 401K balances, each get our credit report a couple of times a year and know there is nothing funky on them, and talk about those types of things. But for some reason, when it comes to his credit cards, I think he feels slightly emasculated that I would want to take them over, like I think he can't handle it. Which of course he can, he has been paying them off gradually, we could just do a better job of avalanching if we dealth with them all together.

    Now that I know about the 15% card, we'll have that paid off within the week, and then we'll figure the rest out from there. We're selling his truck so will have some money coming in (probably $6K or so) and then can discuss the best way to apply it to our debt.

    Thanks for letting me vent!

  4. ceejay74 Says:

    Boy, I don't blame you! In return for being the financial manager of my household, I expect full transparency. I have logins for everyone's retirement, credit card, banking and student loan accounts. I would go crazy trying to get us on track with only partial knowledge of where we were.

  5. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    I have to put in my 2 cents worth (you can apply it to the highest interest rate debt:-))
    I'm in a relationship with someone who has to be the head of the household. But I'm the finance expert. I can only suggest that you let him control what he needs to control and forget the rest until he finally gets it. So maybe use all the snowflakes to apply it against the highest debt. It's hard as heck. And drives me nuts. But I decided I have other battles that are more important!

  6. PatientSaver Says:

    I would feel exactly the same way, rather upset about having such a big balance card with the high interest rate.

    If it turned into an argument after that, it's probably because he feels stupid for not having checked out that situation sooner. You sound very on top of it and i would love to see you manage all the cards if you can manage a way to do that without, as you said, emasculating him. You've still got a lot of debt to pay off and credit card debt is the worst kind with killer rates. Good luck!

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